Saturday, October 06, 2007

Attachment and Relationships

Saturday afternoon – wet outside.
Not feeling particularly focused to do any serious writing, so I thought I’d do some real blogging.
I notice that I’ve been more concerned about writing something worth reading rather that just writing what is going on or what I’m thinking about. I seem to be attached to what I put out there. So even though my horoscope says it isn’t the best time for me to write, I’m going to anyway. I feel like a rebel!!

Attachment and Relationships

What does being attached mean?
When it comes to relationships, when someone is attached it usually means they are in a relationship. Right?

Well, what if someone is in a relationship but not attached to it? Does that mean they aren’t attached and therefore available to pursue another relationship?

One of the secrets to consciously creating your life is non-attachment. Not in the sense that you’re not suppose to be in an intimate relationship, but meaning we are to release our attachments to how things happen and specifically who that relationship is with. We are to focus on our desired state and outcome and release attachment to how it happens.
Ideally.
Easier said than done when our attachment to having someone to love in your life is as strong as our attraction to the person who is attached to someone else.

I have two friends (and have actually heard of many others in this same scenario – so I could be taking about anyone) both in love people who are attached to someone else and both attached to having that person be in their lives, even though the one they love is already attached.

Now in both cases, the already attached person does reciprocate the feeling to the one who loves them and is non-attached to being attached to their current partners. Actually, I’m pretty sure if you were ask them if they were attached to their current partners they’d say no, even though they are still with them because in truth they are not attached to being with them.

However, they are attached to something they are getting in return from being in their relationship – both relationships. From their primary relationship they are attached to continuing to have a basic need met that is being provided by this relationship. This is clear in both cases and I bet in most similar cases. In their second relationship they are attached to having someone they are very attracted to be part of their life.

Can you be attached to two people at once, and be non-attached to the longevity of either relationship? Apparently so.

This is one of the current realities of our “new age” movement towards living in “non-attachment”. As people become increasingly non-attached with the relationships in their lives, they will eventually be comfortable not being attached to anyone. Then, maybe then, they can really get to know the one relationship they are truly attached to – the one with themselves!