I was thinking about independence this morning, and
reflecting on how hard it is for some of us to ask for, let alone accept it. I know I’m guilty of that myself, and while on one hand, I thoroughly enjoy the
activity of figuring things out on my own, I sometimes let myself struggle too
long and end up giving up, instead of asking for or accepting the specific help
I need. I like the feeling of being independent, of doing it on my own, and as
I was thinking about this with my morning coffee, I remembered the fallacy of
that feeling.
The idea of independence is somewhat of a myth. NOTHING
happens without the contribution of someone or something, other than, and
outside from ourselves. We are rarely as self-sufficient as we think we are.
Let’s use the everyday bodily function of going to the
washroom as an example. One of the first things we are proud of accomplishing all
on our own as infants, we don’t actually do on our own. For starters, think of the number of
people and systems that contributed to the manufacturing of the toilet and
toilet paper you are using every time you go. And the reason you need to go in the first
place, is due to the food and beverages you've consumed which also involved the
efforts of various people and systems to make available. Even if you just drank
tap water, there are a number of systems that have been put in place that make that
possible. And don't forget all that was involved in building the room or structure that is
providing you with the privacy to even attempt such monumental feat. An
accomplishment – yes, all on your own… not by a long shot! I realize this is a
pretty simple example, and I challenge you to review anything you think you’ve
done on your own today or anytime in your life, and see if it’s absolutely
true. Even breathing outdoors is possible only due to nature’s system of
photosynthesis.
Why am I busting your bubble by writing this and sharing
it with you? (BTW – I’m busting my own bubble at the same time… see you’re not alone J ) When we get attached
to the idea that we need to do it all on our own, we risk losing sight of all
that supports our ability to do anything at all. And in loosing sight of that,
we may forget to be grateful for and express appreciation to, all that does
contribute to any of our successes – from the minutest of tying our shoes and
learning how to ride a bike, to the bigger accomplishment of earning a degree, having
a baby or building a business. We truly do not, nor can we, accomplish anything
on our own. It saddens me to witness someone struggling to ask for help
(frustrating when it’s me) because they think they need to do it on their own. It infuriates me when a loved one won’t reach out because they think they are the
only one who can do it (embarrassing when that’s me), and it breaks my heart
when someone can’t see that they're not all alone in this world. I've been of these, and will like be again; this is a reminder for me that I’m sharing in case it can be
one for you too.
Along with acknowledging all that contributes to anything we
do, is the reality that we too, contribute to the success and empowerment of
others. Most of the time, we are not even aware that we are doing so.
Independence is a myth – interdependent
is what we naturally are.
Next time you’re resistant to ask for help, digging in your
heels and feeling like you need to do it all on your own, remember the fallacy in
that idea… you can’t, it’s not possible, so let go of trying! Paying it forward
is a natural part of our system - as humans and as a part of nature. And if it is a matter of wanting to control…
great, then be IN control, by asking for the help you want, as you need it, allow
it to come and be over the top grateful, that you got to choose, witness, acknowledge
and give appreciation to, the source of at least ‘some’, of ALL (much of which you
many never know) that contributed to your success… or failure. Did I just pop
another myth bubble? Yes, we naturally contribute to each other’s failures too;
we are not solely responsible for those either J.
