Re-Write Your History!

Re-Write Your History and Create the Future You Want!

Have you become a victim to your past? Decided you’re unlovable, unworthy or less than because of the meaning you’ve assigned to the experiences you’ve had?  Life happens, events occur – we see things, exchange words, experience feelings and then we use our interpretation of what we’ve experienced to assign meaning to it all. Have you ever noticed that a number of people can participate in the same event yet each person will have their own unique experience of it?  My honey and I can watch the same movie, seeing the same scenes and hearing the same words yet we don’t always re-act the same to it. He’ll laugh when I cry and usually one of us ends up enjoying the movie more than the other.  

This is exactly what we do in our lives – we assign meaning to the events we experience, based on how we’ve interpreted it at the time. The meaning then becomes our memory of the event, having a natural influence on the flow of our lives. Our past, which remains part of us, continues to influence how we participate in creating our lives moving forward. Every time a memory is triggered in a present moment, the emotional tone (energy) of the meaning we’ve previously assigned to it naturally influences how we are creating in that moment - it becomes part of the mix.

“The only meaning that anything has is the meaning we give it.”  A Course in Miracles

If the meaning you’ve given your past is not supporting you in creating the life you want now – change it! Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Not always.  Not when the meaning  we’ve given the story is keeping us safe or powering us up by making us feel important, right or justified. This sort of empowerment is usually gained through a limiting power source – a source that takes from another in a depreciating way.

Power gets its juice from feeding off of another source of energy.  Limiting power like thoughts have a, “I’m better, smarter, more beautiful, more creative, more…. than they are” ring to them, lifting oneself up while putting someone else down. Or like “I’m not as good/smart/pretty/tall/thin/creative… as them”; putting oneself down while inflating another – possible putting them on a pedestal  for the sake of keeping oneself safe (and small).

True or real sourced power feeds off of the never ending abundant supply of potential and possibility that is freely available to all – and harms none! True power thoughts sound like “I can do this”, “I am enough”, “I am learning and growing” or “what is possible now?”  Notice how the focus is on the self – self acknowledging, self accepting and self motivating. When we don’t include the ‘other’ in our own meaning, we neither puff them up nor knock them down, the meaning you give is about YOU. Other people will assign their own meaning to a shared event and it will be about them.  As tempting as it is to take another person’s meaning personally – it serves us to remember that it isn’t.    

If reality is an illusion, what illusion do you want to create as your reality?

We can’t go back and change the ‘facts’ of the past; we need to accept the facts as they are. What we can do is go back and change the meaning or story that we’ve made up about our past. Doing so, changes the impact and influence the past is having on our lives in the present and going forward.

Let’s take the example of being laid off from a job due to restructuring; many of us have had this sort of experience at least once.  The feeling of being laid off doesn’t usually feel great – even when it’s what we’ve secretly (or not so secretly) been wishing for, actually being asked to leave the building or to being escorted off the premises can sting. Far too often after this sort of experience I’ve heard people make up stories like “I wasn’t appreciated, someone was out to get me, I must have something wrong – all these sort of ‘meanings’ can leave one feeling rejected –again, not a pleasant feeling. They can also leave a person feeling disempowered, which is NOT a resourceful state to be in when looking of  new employment or planning your next steps.

What we need to do in such a case is separated the facts from the fiction. This actually happened to me in 2003 – I was laid off from my banking job without cause. And even though I was able to COMPLETELY recognize how I had consciously participated in creating the experience, on the day it un-expectantly happened, it stung! I told myself a whole much of *BS* that I needed to later retract. The FACTS were that I was no longer employed. I had been told I was laid off without cause, meaning  I had not done anything wrong – it served me best to believe that.  It was not where I wanted to stay career wise and I had already been working towards a new career. Those were the facts.  The story that served me without belittling anyone else (or myself) is that I needed to be let go, so that I could focus on the career I really wanted for myself. That if this was happening now, it must be time! One door had closed forcing me to walk through the other door that had already been opened. When I attach that story to the experience of being laid off, it feels empowering and promising – a bit scary for sure, however in an exciting way.

Changing the meaning of a past event may not necessarily erase the one you had previously assigned to it.  When I recall hearing the words and being escorted out of the branch, a slight sting still remains. I now use that feeling as a trigger that reminds me of my power to “choose” the story I remember… guess which one I chose?

We humans do tend to be creatures of habit; choosing a more empowering meaning or reinforcing a new story can take time. Be kind to yourself as you work on retraining your mind to more regularly tap into potential and possibility while harming none, the source of true power, when assigning meaning to life’s events.

Re-write the meaning of your past and become the hero/heroine of your own life’s journey.

Awakening the Energy of Your Core - Video

Back in February  Your Stage  put ME in the spotlight to share and experience Awakening to the Energy of Your Core!

Guilt's Gift

Guilt and shame get such a bad rap. I do understand how it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, it doesn’t usually make us feel very good; it makes us feel small, shallow… like we want crawl under something and just disappear. Guilt and shame are awful feelings to have… however if they can serve a purpose are they really all that bad?

I use to hate guilt – I’d tell people I have no use for it! However in spite of my attempts to reject it – I kept feeling it. Its perseverance has helped me to recognize the gifts of guilt and shame.

Guilt has served me well over the years. It has helped me to be a better a friend, to myself and others. It’s helped me recognize when I wasn’t living my values or when I was doing something for the wrong reason. It has made me kinder, more patient and understanding. Guilt serves as a moral compass, pointing me towards how to be a better person when I forget… and we all forget every now and then. I’m very grateful to guilt, for being the kick in the butt I’ve needed when I’ve slacked off on my exercise routine, the inspiration I’ve needed to write a new blog post (like this one  ) and the empowerment I’ve needed when I’ve been tempted to give my power away to someone or something outside of myself.

Making friends with guilt is one of the best things I’ve ever done. Now when it creeps in – and oooh I know the feeling so well that I can usually sense when it’s been triggered even the slightest – when it creeps in, I pay attention. I ask myself: “What am I compromising in this moment? Which one of my values am I stepping on? What is my intention? What do I really want to do or say? What is most important to me?” Or if the feeling has come in “after – the – fact” then I’ll ask myself: “What was my intention at the time? Was that the best I could do in the moment, given what I knew then? Would I do it again? What would I do differently next time?”
Most importantly… I ask myself whether or not I need to apologize to someone and if so, I do. As a friend, guilt and shame can make you think before choosing and reflect after the fact to learn and grow from experience.

Guilt helps me take responsibility for myself, to be responsible of me and who I am choosing to be. By working with the feelings of guilt or shame when they come up, instead of trying to deny their existence or push them away, I give myself the opportunity of expressing the better version of myself in that moment.

Yes – guilt feels awful and can make you want to curl up and disappear – however if you let it, it will show you its gift and help you stand tall and shine. Your choice!

Any Regrets?

A friend on facebook, Michael Murphy, posted this question today "Is it possible to live without regret? Do you agree or disagree and why?" Here's my response which followed someone's who thought that YES it was possible, because we always have choice and we made the choice.

I agree, it is all about Choice! Regret can also be a choice. I think that if we've made a choice that we didn't align with 100%, that in time we may experience flutterings of regret. That isn't such a bad thing, it's what we DO with it that can potentially harm us.

A fluttering of regret can happen when we get a peek into a "what if" of an alternative past choice. Good news is that choice is always available to us. We can choose how long we stay in the energy that the "what if" brought up, how far we take it and what direction we take it in. Because we can choose our thoughts and perspectives, we can choose what we do with regret when it flutters in.

So is it possible to live without regret? Sure, I believe everything is possible. The question is, is it probable? For many people - no, and that doesn't have to be such a bad thing. Our natural ability to choose can deflate or inflate the impact of regret. We simply need to remember that we can choose, and that we can always choose again, and again and again....

Reality Alchemy #2 - Understanding Cause and Effect

What Came First, The Chicken or the Egg???

You know what it’s like to get caught up in an emotional downward spiral. One moment you’re feeling absolutely fabulous and suddenly you’re aware that you’ve somehow spun into a negative funk. You realize you’ve become angry, irritated or self deprecating; thinking thoughts that are perpetuating the mood. How did you get there so fast?

Some experts would suggest that a thought, triggered by an external event resulted in an emotion and it spiraled from there. While others would suggest an emotion, triggered by an external event, then triggered thoughts aligned with the emotion. It’s a matter of cause and effect, but what’s the first cause? Kind of like trying to figure out which came first, the chicken or the egg (figured that one out yet?)

Consider that:

Before a thought is a cause, it’s been an effect… every thought causes an effect.
Before an emotions is a cause, it’s been an effect… every emotion causes an effect.

Both emotions and thought are the cause and the effect and until we determine “original cause” in the world of chaos (good luck! :) ) we need to realize this.

As we respond to events, moment by moment, trying to figure out whether a feeling came before a thought or visa versa… well that takes a sort of mental discipline that most of us don’t yet possess. A more effective approach to start with is; the moment you start noticing how a thought is causing an emotion and how the emotion is causing the next though – you can intercede. Shift the current flow of cause and effect of your current stream of thoughts and emotions by choosing either a thought or an emotion that will start altering your current course.

For example – I’m upset at my boyfriend for not noticing, the moment he came home from work, that I’ve cleaned the floor and washed the car. I feel hurt that he hasn’t noticed and start thinking that he doesn’t care. Then I feel sad and start wondering “what does he expects of me?… is this not enough earn his appreciation?” Now I’m feeling angry, I worked so hard all day and got a bunch of chores done…I think you get the point.
The moment I become aware of how my thoughts and emotions are sending me down the stream into an emotional and mental frenzy, I stop… I take a deep breathe and choose a new thought. I choose to remember all the times he has expressed gratitude for something
I’ve done; like the last time I did our laundry. Immediately the emotion shifts to a feeling of calm. Then I become curious as to how his day was so I ask. He shares the many challenges of his day. Now I’m feeling compassion for him. I start wondering about what I can do to help him release the stress of the day. Next thing you know, he looks around, takes a whiff and says “mmmm…. it smells so clean in here, did you wash the floor?” “Thanks honey….”

To summarize, here are the steps to getting back into a more desirable stream of cause and effect:

1. Awareness – notice how your thoughts and feelings are flowing in the moment
2. Accept that you are the one participating in this current flow and you are the one who can change it. Take a deep breath in.
3. Alter your course by choosing a thought or feeling that you know will cause a more desirable emotion or thought.
4. Awareness – notice how your thoughts and feelings are flowing now

So what came first, the chicken or the egg? It you figure that one out, please let me know!