For the first time today, I saw the term “ego strengthening”, as I was reading an article and something popped inside my mind. There are many schools of thought that encourage people to lose or diminish the ego mind. This idea has never really felt right to me (or maybe my ego’s been fighting me on it). Eckhart Tolle on Oprah’s web cast of “A New Earth” said that he “lost his ego” suggesting that this is a desirable thing to do? I’m not so sure about that. Maybe it is for him, who am I to judge? But I imagine there are people out there now having read or heard that thinking “oh – so I should be trying to lose my ego!”
What’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gander!
I’ve been playing curiously with this idea a client mentioned to me recently; “What if the opposite is true?” In the moment I’m engaged in a perspective, perhaps holding it as true, what happens when I play with “what if the opposite of this perspective is true?”
So if I hear that I need to ‘take out’ my ego in order to live a more successful and fulfilling life, what if the opposite is true? What if “strengthening my ego” is the key to my living a more successful and fulfilling life? There’s an interesting twist.
I just looked up “ego” on Dictionary.com to find this definition: “the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.”; philosophically; “a) the enduring and conscious element that knows experience. b) Scholasticism. the complete person comprising both body and soul.”
“Why would I want to get rid of that??”
When I accept this definition of “ego”, it makes more sense to me to work on strengthening it. If I have a strong sense of my complete self, both body and soul connected as one, I’m better positioned to create a successful and fulfilling life – by my own definition.
When the ego is weak, then an individual is more or less unconsciously creating their life experiences. We are then more easily influenced by outside sources that aren’t necessarily aligned with our own core values. If your unconscious influence is not aligned with your values, then your desires will be reflective of this (unconscious influence) and that’s when the success of achieving our goals don’t end up equating personal fulfillment.
Here is the 4 step approach that I now realize I have been unconsciously using with my clients for some time:
1. Identify and connect with your core values.
2. Ensure your “wants” are supported with a core value - the “why”.
3. Explore your ego and all of its parts. Get curious about yourself.
4. Strengthen your ego by transforming or letting go of the weaker parts of it, which includes the outer influences that are not aligned with your values and goals, and direct more focus on the parts that are aligned.
The aim is to become consciously aware who the “I” in the self is, which includes the various parts of our ego, and discover how this “I” has been directing our lives as it is. Then we can strengthen the connection between all these aspects of ourselves so they work together more cohesively. With a stronger and aligned sense of self (ego), I can better position my self with the collective of the whole which I am also apart of, and be a more supportive influencer of it.
What would it be like to have large groups of people with strong egos, all working together in a conscious manner for the good of the whole they are one with? What is possible then?
This is what is happening in the world today. As a result of having been under the influence of certain individuals stronger egos over the past decades (politicians, religious figure heads, guru’s), more and more people are now strengthening their own egos by getting in touch with who they really are and what is truly important to them.
Of course, if this can be true, then the opposite can as well. As Tolle feels he’s done, by losing the ego (that has been negatively influenced) one realizes their connection to the whole, recognizing the power that truly is within, empowering themselves to create successful and fulfilling lives.
So it is all good!
© 2008 All Rights Reserved Kim Barnwell
3 comments:
Reading your post, I found that I wanted to offer an alternative definition of the ego, probably more similar to the one Tolle is referring to, nevertheless consistent with traditional meanings of the ego as a "sense of the self" as a soul connected to the body. The body, as everything in the universe, is constantly in flux, atoms are recycled as they become part of molecules they were never part of before. The soul, although I have no sense of its nature, can be seen as the part of us which is unchanging throughout our lifetime and perhaps afterwards (?) -- our "true self": http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm Going through adolescence, a time when I was trying to establish an independent life, I had a psychotic break, and in repairing that break during my recovery process, clung very tightly to my ego, needing approval (of parents, society, lovers, etc.) I was a very immature adult during my twenties. Only recently have I gotten to know my true self and let go of these attachments. It took an exploration of my own mind through psychotherapy, art, writing and meditation, and a true connection for the first time with the hearts and minds of others through fiction, the study of philosophy and deep, real conversation with people as I recovered from anxiety and broke out of my antisocial shell.
Hi, love your post on strengthening the ego!
Indeed all you say is great and works in a world of individuals - but what about in a world of reality - where we actually have to deal with people - and where sometimes an ego loss or an ego boost, may hurt others...? Indeed each individual is responsible for his/her actions/happiness/pride/life but no man/woman's an island. If we die, we make the others around us feel sad... aren't we responsible for that? That was off the topic, but the same logic applies to ego doesn't it?
Hi Fried Potato
Thanks for your reply and for reading.
Not sure what you are suggesting with "that is fine in the world of individual - but what about reality”??? Reality is made up of individuals - right... so that means we collectively create reality. I am responsible for who I am in the collective. I can't be responsible for EVERYONE else.
When I wrote the post, I was inspired by the idea of "what if the opposite was true?" and applied it to Tolle's idea of losing the ego. I made the opposite be “strengthen the ego”. What I feel creates more peace and balance is usually found somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. When I look at it that way – which really is what I do with clients – I help them “tone” their ego.
So the way that would look in your example of "when someone dies, they make people around them sad". Well first - we can't "make" people sad - people are sad as a result of how they felt about the person who has crossed, and the void that loss has created in their lives. That is natural. An elephant will grieve when a family member crosses over – do animals have egos??
But what our egos will do (sometimes) it is have us believe or think thoughts that escalate the sadness and grief beyond what is healthy. While when we connect to our "greater" selves it will remind us of the truth whatever that is bases on your beliefs, for me it is that they have transitioned and still exist, just not in the body anymore. That they may have died to this world, but they have just been born to another.
So a "toned" ego would accept this premise, while allowing them selves to experience and release the grief they feel in a healthy way at the same time.
I don't think the idea is to get it all perfect - I believe that through a better understanding of ourselves, we can accept all our parts, become conscious as the parts we allow to direct us in any moment and make appropriate corrections when we catch ourselves off track.
If I disagree with someone, if I only listen to the ego, I may get defensive or stubborn. I can “tone” that when I notice the effects these responses have on me, feeling/sensation wise and choose to connect to my greater self and see the "bigger picture", what is really going on. Always that leads to more openness, flexibility, clarity and better outcomes.
Now reading the first part of Silic's comment, using the definition of ego being a "sense of the self" - I would stay with the suggestion we need to "strengthen" our connection to our sense of self – thereby strengthening our ego.
And if you also view the ego as a part of you that holds the voices of the different parts of our self, then I would suggest "toning" that connection. By toning it, we gain the positive purpose of each part while discerning the parts of each part that really don't serve us.
Thanks for the conversation!!
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